HeMorrison589

Attorney Jokes

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she's holding a future lawyer?

A: She has an extreme desire for baloney.

Q: What's the legal meaning of Appeal?

A: Something a person slips on in a food store.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To apply.

Q: What can you call a lawyer by having an IQ of 12?

A: Your Honor.

Q: Whats the difference between legal counsel and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What do you call a happy, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are attorneys like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, another side has to obtain one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: What can you call an attorney gone bad?

A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they just produced a fresh Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie?"

A: It is sold with 1 / 2 of Ken's things and alimony.

Q: What is the difference between legal counsel and a pit bull?

A: Jewelry.

Q: What is this is of mixed emotions?

A: Watching your lawyer drive over a cliff in your brand-new Ferrari.

Q: Whats the difference between accountants and lawyers?

A: At the very least accountants know theyre boring.

Stories:

1. A person who'd been caught embezzling millions visited an attorney. His lawyer told him, "Dont worry. Youll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, if the man was sent to jail, he didnt have a penny.

2. He asked, while the lawyer awoke from surgery, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There is just a fire across the street, and we did not want you to consider you had died."

3. God decided to simply take the devil to judge and settle their differences once and for several. Satan heard this, said and laughed, "And where do you think you're going to look for a lawyer?"

4. Legal counsel is sitting at the desk in his new office. Someone is heard by him arriving at the door. The phone is picked up by him while the door opens and says, "I need one million and not just a dollar less", to impress his first potential customer. The man now standing in his office states, as he hangs up, "I am here to lift up your phone."

And finally:

You Might Be Legal Counsel If.... You're charging anyone to read these jokes. go